(1) Return to the original love
Author: Qiu Linfang
When a child is born, parents have only one wish in their hearts: that the child be healthy and safe. Every tiny movement of a baby in the cradle makes us ecstatic. The first rolling over, the first sitting up, the first step, are all milestones worth celebrating. The love at that time was as pure as a mountain spring, without any conditions or expectations.
As our children grow up, our eyes begin to unconsciously turn to others. The neighbor’s child can recite Tang poetry, the colleague’s child got into Ivy League school, and the relative’s child became a doctor. These are more like invisible shackles that give our love a utilitarian color. The child’s report card becomes a barometer of love. When the child does well, the parents will greet him with a smile, but when the child does poorly, the parent will treat him with a cold eye. This kind of conditional love makes children nervous on the road to growth, for fear of losing our love.
We often feel disappointed when our children don't do well academically or behave inappropriately. Unfortunately, this disappointment is often expressed in the wrong way. The child is already feeling very upset, but we are still nagging him. At times like this, what children need most is understanding and support, not more criticism and blame. Just like when we encounter setbacks in life, what we hope for is timely help rather than adding salt to the wound by pouring more water on it.
The Bible teaches us: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the nurture and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4) This verse reminds us that a parent's responsibility is not to hurt their children with criticism and comparison, but to guide their growth with wisdom and patience. Just as God loves us, our love should be unconditional and full of grace.
True love should be as inclusive as the earth and as warm as the sunshine. Every child is a unique individual with his or her own growth rhythm and life trajectory. What we need to do is to protect this uniqueness and water the flower of children's life with unconditional love. When your child encounters setbacks, give him/her a warm hug; when your child makes progress, give him/her sincere praise. Only this kind of love can enable children to move forward bravely on the road of life.
The Bible also says: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) This reminds us that our responsibility is not only to take care of our children's bodies, but also to guide their minds and help them establish correct values and faith foundations.
Returning to the original love does not mean lowering expectations for children, but accompanying children's growth in a wiser way. Let us regain the purity we had when we first became parents, nourish our children’s hearts with unconditional love, and let them thrive in the sunshine of love. This kind of love is the most precious gift we can give to our children. May we all follow the example of God’s love and accompany our children through every stage of life with gentleness and firmness.
(2) Children’s sense of security and the power of trust
Author: Chen Heping
Parenting experience: Children's sense of security and the power of trust
Introduction: The importance of a sense of security
A sense of security is crucial in our journey through life. Whether adults or children, we all long for support amid turmoil and uncertainty. As Psalm 91:2 says, "I will say of the LORD, 'He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.'" When we find security in the Lord, we have inner stability and strength. Similarly, children also need a sense of security as they grow up so that they can grow up healthily and happily.
1. Adult insecurity: Lost when lacking faith
Adults also often experience insecurity, especially when faced with change, challenges, stress, and setbacks. Without firm beliefs to rely on, it is easy to lose control and even deviate in emotions, behaviors and decision-making. For example, competition in the workplace, an uncertain future, and difficulties in life can all cause people to feel anxious and fearful. But when we trust in God, we can find peace in the storm. Just as Isaiah 41:10 promises, "Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Therefore, as parents, we must first find security in God before we can give our children true stability and support.
2. Children’s sense of security: innate dependence
Children's psychological development is similar to that of adults, but their expression is more intuitive. If children under the age of six lack a sense of security, they will usually cry, be afraid, and even resist and oppose social interaction. Their world is very small; their parents and familiar environment are everything to them. Once they encounter unfamiliar situations, they are prone to anxiety and helplessness. Therefore, parental companionship, care and correct guidance are particularly important. As Proverbs 22:6 teaches, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it." A child's sense of security comes from the stability and love of his parents, and the stability of his parents comes from their trust in God.
3. Real case: How sense of security affects children’s growth
My two daughters both had a strong need for a sense of security as they grew up, and both had wonderful experiences of seeking it and growing up.
Example 1: My eldest daughter’s school adaptation process When my five-year-old daughter first entered public elementary school, she could go a whole day without saying a word in school because she was facing a completely new environment. Even if a child took the initiative to greet her, she did not respond, and even the teacher could not communicate with her effectively. She showed a strong defensive attitude towards some slightly unfriendly classmates. Fortunately, she was willing to express her feelings to us at home. After we communicated with the class teacher, the school arranged a psychological counselor to provide individual counseling every Tuesday. After a period of companionship and guidance, she gradually developed a sense of security. Now she has completely adapted to school life and regards the campus as her home. Her learning status and interpersonal relationships have improved significantly.
Example 2: My little daughter’s separation anxiety When my little daughter, who is less than three years old, goes to kindergarten, the importance of a sense of security becomes more obvious. One day when I was sending her to class, she saw me about to leave and immediately grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go. She even started crying and refused to participate in any activities. But when I told her clearly that I would not leave and sat on the ground to let her believe that I was still around, her state changed instantly, and she began to actively participate in classroom activities and interact with other children. At that moment, I deeply realized that when children find a sense of security in the environment, their behavior and psychology will undergo tremendous changes.
Conclusion: Finding a sense of security in the Lord and giving children a sense of security
Just as we find security in our faith, our children also need such support and reliance as they grow. As parents, we should not only focus on our children’s sense of security, but also build our own sense of security in the Lord, because only when we find peace in God can we truly become a safe haven for our children. At the same time, we parents need to have empathy and connect our own process of seeking peace and security in the Lord with our children’s growth process. We should have more joy, patience, and love. May we all be able to guide our children with God’s wisdom and love in the process of raising them, so that they can grow up healthily in an environment full of security. “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” (Psalm 23:1)